


my favourite color is you

by Ingu



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:26:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingu/pseuds/Ingu
Summary: “I think I’m not Eddie’s best friend.”It was such a childish thing to say, and Maddie’s first instinct was to tease Buck, because what was he? Twelve?(the one where eddie's childhood best friend shows up in LA, and manages to make both buck and eddie jealous for completely different reasons)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 35
Kudos: 829





	my favourite color is you

**Author's Note:**

> So this came purely out of the observation my friend and I had after marathonning the series and then rewatching the Buddie scenes on YouTube. Specifically, how we seem to have only heard Buck call Eddie his best friend, but have never actually heard Eddie confirm the reverse. It's entirely possible that it happened and both of us just missed it, but my brain latched on and wouldn't let it go, so here we are, almost 10k later. Can I just say, these two are either the world's greatest slow burn or the worst case of queerbaiting, time will tell which.
> 
> This fic is set somewhere between 3x16 and the season 3 finale. Also, this is completely unbetaed, apologies in advance for the mistakes I know are in there. What even is American spelling? I sure don't know.
> 
> Title borrowed from [Sober Up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFuZ1GnoTXw) by AJR.

It was a rare evening of peace at the 118, with every surface polished, shelf straightened, and their supplies tallied. The atmosphere was almost relaxed as the team milled around the firehouse, waiting for dinner to be ready.

Eddie was hunched on the couch, elbows resting on his knees and brows knit together as he stared intensely at his phone, fingers scrolling every now and then. His lips were pressed into a tight line, and there was a singular focus in him that Hen usually only saw on calls or in front of a video game. Worry stirred within her as she approached. Was something going on with Chris?

“Everything okay there, Eddie?” Hen asked, dropping onto the opposite couch. She opened her bottle of water and took a swig. “Or are you catching up on your brooding quota for the week?”

Out of the corner of her eye, Buck swiveled around from the kitchen counter, half-chopped vegetables abandoned as his attention zeroed in on the pair of them. It was like Buck had some sort of radar that was attuned to his best friend. Still standing at the stove, Bobby said something, and Buck turned back to the counter like a chastised child. The sound of chopping resumed.

Hen hid a smile and kept her gaze on Eddie, who had looked up with widening eyes and then burst into soft chuckles. His eyes crinkled in a way that would have been devastating if Hen wasn’t mostly immune to Eddie Diaz’s looks and charm.

“No, my best friend is coming over from El Paso,” he replied, gaze drifting down to his phone again as the laughter faded and a frown settled back across his features. “And I’m coming to the realization that after two years living here, I know next to nothing about LA that isn’t targeted toward eight year-olds.”

A quiet fell across the upper level. Chimney, who had been sprawled across the dining table reading a novel, straightened in an instant. Hen chanced a glance toward the kitchen. The sound of chopping had stopped again, and Buck looked frozen in place.

“You didn’t take your parents around when they came over last year?” Hen said.

“Nah, I didn’t have to. Adriana had everything planned out down to the hour.” Eddie replied without looking up. “I wasn’t even asked for a suggestion.”

“What’s this about a best friend?” Chimney said a little too loudly as he approached, and settled next to Hen with an eager curiosity.

“Hm?” Eddie looked up again, distracted. “Yeah, Sean’s coming next week. I’m supposed to be showing him around but I’ve also _never_ done the tourist thing in LA before. Is that weird? I’ve lived here for two years and I’ve never been to the Getty?”

There was a nervous excitement in Eddie’s voice that was impossible to miss, and as thrilled as Hen was for Eddie, she couldn’t help the sinking feeling in her stomach as she glanced over again at Buck.

“Wait, Sean? How have we not heard about this guy until now?” Chimney said, all laughter and fake outrage. 

“What are you talking about? I’ve told you guys the cake story.”

“Oh,” Chimney faltered in surprise. 

“That was with Sean?” Hen said, remembering the story that had all of them in stitches, where Eddie had tripped and fell face-first into a friend’s cake before anyone had even sung Happy Birthday. Were there photos? God, she’d pay to see those.

“Yeah,” Eddie’s confused frown deepened, “and I told you guys about the coffee incident, and that Dallas weekend?” 

Memories floated up from two years of passing conversations and shared stories. Had Eddie explicitly mentioned the name Sean when he told any of his tales? Hen didn’t think so. But it was entirely possible that he had and none of them had remembered, or put the pieces together. All of a sudden she wasn’t sure.

“Right,” Hen said with a laugh that she hoped didn’t sound as forced as it felt. “Gosh, I’m sorry, I never realized it was all with the same person.”

“Yeah, well, that’s my bad, clearly,” Eddie laughed, his gaze flitting back down to his phone again. “Sean and I pretty much grew up together, and I haven't seen him in ages.” 

There was history there, and Hen had half-opened her mouth to ask when Eddie abruptly put his phone down and directed his full attention at the two of them.

“Hey, do you guys like… know any good restaurants?”

-

Buck had been Bobby’s apprentice for going on a year and a half now, and the improvement was definitely noticeable. From the misshapen lumps that had decorated their dinner plates back when he first started, the vegetables were now all uniform in size and, by extension, evenly cooked. Chimney moaned as he shoved another forkful of the stewed vegetables into his mouth, basking in the way the flavours burst across his tongue. Cap’s food was something you really had to take time to appreciate.

Chimney’s display earned him a few amused glances, for dinner was an unusually subdued affair tonight. There were only scattered, disconnected discussions that were more characteristic of the tail end of exhausting twenty-four hour shifts. Buck could usually carry an entire table's worth of conversation just by sheer force of personality. Yet this evening the young man was suspiciously quiet. Chimney, thinking he knew the reason why, found himself glancing between the two younger colleagues sitting across from him, waiting for the shoe to drop.

As the night progressed, Eddie had steadily drifted further and further from his relaxed demeanour, and was directing increasingly confused glances at Buck, who was robotically shovelling food into his mouth like he wasn’t even tasting it. Twice Eddie had turned toward Buck mid-conversation, bright-eyed and smiling, and found that the other man wasn’t even looking at him. Clearly, it wasn’t something Eddie was used to, if the surprise and disappointment on his face each time was anything to go by.

Toward the end of the meal, the conversation tapered off again. Now, Eddie was all but staring at Buck, fork hanging in mid-air and food forgotten. Chimney could see the moment confusion resolved into worry, and he exchanged a look with Hen next to him, who was also watching with interest.

Eddie put down his fork and bumped against Buck’s shoulder. “You okay there? You’re being really quiet.”

“Hm?” Buck’s eyes went wide, and he shifted imperceptibly away from Eddie as he turned toward him. “Yeah, I’m fine, just thinking.” Then, he shoved an enormous fork of food into his mouth and began to chew, as though that would protect him from having to speak again.

Eddie’s smile turned teasing, and his eyes went stupidly soft. “Careful you don’t strain anything.”

_God, do these two see themselves?_ Chimney thought to himself. He glanced over toward Bobby, and found their captain watching the exchange with a similar amusement in his eyes.

Buck rolled his eyes. “I’m allowed to have thoughts, and ideas. And opinions.”

“Oh? And what might they be?” Eddie laughed. His eyes met Chimney’s and Chimney gave him an encouraging grin. Eddie gestured with his fork at the rest of the table. “Do share with the class.”

Buck opened his mouth, then closed it again, indignant as he looked around and found half the table watching them. Eddie raised an eyebrow in a challenge.

“What’s on your mind, Buckaroo?” Bobby said unhelpfully.

“Well…” Buck visibly struggled for words, conflict crossing his face. Chimney had a feeling the boy was desperately trying not to voice exactly what was bothering him. He felt a twinge of pity for the young man. These two really didn’t make anything easy for themselves.

“Did you know that jellyfish are known to cannibalize each other?” Buck said.

“I’m sorry, what?” Eddie gaped as Hen choked on her drink.

“That’s messed up, right?” Buck powered on. “But like, it also makes sense? If a jelly eats another jelly it would get the exact nutrients it needs, right? Because it’s already in the other jellyfish.”

The conversation deteriorated from there. But Buck, Eddie, and eventually half the table, were very successfully distracted. As the mood and volume of the group lifted, Chimney let himself be pulled in as well, positing that cannibalism made no sense because aren’t jellyfish ninety-nine percent water anyway?

“Yeah but there has to be something else going on, right? Like humans are ninety percent water but we-”

“Sixty. We’re sixty percent water.” Eddie spoke with the confidence of a man whose child had mastered third grade science.

“Whatever, the point is-”

Chimney looked between the two, watched the fondness in Eddie’s eyes only grow as Buck flew into a wild tangent, and sighed. 

_Completely oblivious._

  
  


-

  
  


There was something off with Buck. Maddie could see it the moment her brother showed up at her door, takeout bags in hand. It was supposed to be a sibling night, for them to catch up and hang out without the others around. But instead of the usual light-hearted cheer that had Buck bounding around her apartment, her brother’s body was tense, and his responses clipped and distracted. Even as they went about eating and chatting as normal, sitting cross-legged on the floor of her apartment, Maddie prepared herself for the talk that was about to happen, ready to force the problem out of her brother if that was what it took.

But Buck being Buck, it all came out in a rush not five minutes into their meal. 

“I think I’m not Eddie’s best friend.”

It was such a childish thing to say, and Maddie’s first instinct was to tease him, because what was he? Twelve? But in the next moment she saw the devastation in Buck’s eyes, the fear and uncertainty and terror written onto his face, and anything resembling mirth rapidly faded into worry. She’d known Eddie was important to Buck, but this?

“Oh, Buck…” She reached out and put a hand on his arm, giving it a squeeze. “What brought this on? Why would you think that?”

“At the firehouse the other day, he was talking about how his _best friend_ was going to come visit, from El Paso.”

“Okay.”

“I mean he’s talked about Sean and I knew they were friends but I just always thought that was all... In the past, you know? But it was the... way he said it. It got me thinking. And I... he’s never actually called me his best friend? I mean he’s said nice things like how he trusts me and…” Buck’s eyelashes fluttered, caught by a memory, and in the next second he shut down, shoulders sagging. “You know what? This is stupid. I sound like an eight year old. Don’t worry about it.”

“Buck…” Maddie’s voice took on an edge of warning. “Talk to me. I know Eddie means a lot to you. It’s okay to be upset.”

Buck looked at her with wide, uncertain eyes. And Maddie did everything she could to exude reassurance, to let him know it was okay to talk to her. But whatever he saw, Buck only shrank in on himself even further.

Silence stretched between them, and Buck stared blankly into his food as Maddie rubbed his arm with her thumb.

“It’s okay,” Maddie said quietly, giving Buck’s arm another squeeze. “You can tell me.”

Buck took a breath, and for a moment, Maddie thought he was going to pretend he was fine again.

“I don’t know,” Buck started, hesitant. “It’s just… We spend so much time together. We get drinks and have dinners. I help out with Chris and we hang out all the time. He’s _my_ best friend. And I just sort of… assumed, you know?”

“Look, just because he called someone else a best friend doesn’t mean he doesn’t think you’re his best friend. People can have more than one best friend, Buck.”

“What?” Buck said, brows furrowed in confusion and something like outrage. “That’s not what the word means. When you call someone a best friend you mean it, you mean _best_ friend.”

Maddie sighed. 

“And look, I know, okay?” Buck continued before she could say anything. “People can have more than one close friend, I’m not mad about it. I mean it’s good that Eddie has other people to talk to. I-I’m just…” Buck’s throat worked, at a sudden loss for words, and he looked so lost, so uncertain.

“Scared?” Maddie offered gently. 

Buck let out a heavy breath, then nodded, looking everywhere but at Maddie. “Yeah.” He took a swig of his beer, and Maddie watched him, her skittish and anxious baby brother. “I know he’s not going to just up and leave but I-I uh... I just. I just wish I was good enough, you know?” 

Maddie understood. And she knew too, that this was more than a matter of realizing you may not mean as much to someone else as they did to you. No. This hurt ran deeper, for reasons that even Buck himself may not know. Not for the first time, she hated their parents, hated their childhood, hated that life that had made Buck so eager to please, so desperate for affirmation, and so terrified of loss, a life that had left Buck with nothing but his job and his found family to hang onto.

Buck sighed again, and rubbed his hands over his face. “God, what am I, _a child_ ? My best friend is best friends with someone else, so what? It’s not even that big of a deal. I don’t know why I _feel_ like this.”

“It’s okay, Buck,” Maddie said softly. “Everyone wants to be special to someone. It’s normal to want that. And Eddie is… special to you.”

Buck just looked at her with sad eyes. Maddie wanted to say more, but laying the deeper truths bare now would only hurt her brother even further. Buck was so madly in love with Eddie that it scared her, sometimes. Because Maddie knew just how far her brother would go for someone he cared about. How he had been the first to find her, after her abduction, had raced ahead of the police with no regard for his own safety or for what danger he may be running toward. How he had pushed himself past the point of exhaustion, looking for Christopher after the tsunami until he’d collapsed in Hen and Chimney’s arms. How he had stayed up researching everything there was to know about radiation poisoning after Bobby’s health scare. Her brother cared so deeply, and felt so strongly, and he had no defense against the hurt of loss, of heartbreak. Buck was so, so good, and the world had a way of treating good people harshly.

Chimney had told her how he was sure Eddie returned Buck’s feelings. But Maddie didn’t know. She wasn’t in the firehouse enough to see for certain, couldn’t judge from the scattering of social outings whether Eddie’s affection was platonic or meant what Buck needed it to mean. All she saw was Buck, giving himself away endlessly. 

_I’m looking after Chris tonight while Eddie’s on shift, can we do movies on Sunday instead?_

_I dunno, Eddie’s been down lately so I thought these tickets might cheer them up._

_Yeah, I’m free on Thursday evening. Eddie’s been a bit tight on money lately so I gave him my shift. Private school is so expensive, you know?_

There were things Maddie wanted to say, words of warning and fear born of a desperate need to protect her baby brother. But then, there were the things that Buck needed to hear.

“No matter how he labels it, Eddie still loves you, Buck,” Maddie said, her breath catching at the sudden tears in her brother’s eyes. “He turns to you when he wants someone to talk to, he’s always watching your back, pulling you out of trouble. And Chris loves you like you're another dad. You’re not going to lose that.”

She knew this, Buck’s fear of being left behind, of not being good enough, of always meaning less to others than they do to him. Maddie knew this, but there was nothing she could do but to be there for him, to prove him wrong with her actions. And she was going to be there for her brother, no matter what happened. With a soft sigh, she moved closer, and pulled Buck into her arms.

After a moment of frozen silence, Buck melted into the hug, and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing just a little too tight.

  
  


-

  
  


Bobby had been curious about Sean, the person who had held onto the title of Eddie’s best friend despite time and distance, ever since Eddie mentioned the visit. Eddie held his feelings close to his chest, and seldom gave away his inner thoughts, rarely offering up anything that could be misused to hurt him. It was a self-defense mechanism Bobby recognized well. And Bobby wondered if Eddie himself had realized how much he’d separated his past in El Paso from his life in LA, as though any reminder of the people he gave up cut too deep. 

But the main reason for his interest, if Bobby was being honest, was the sheer surprise and hurt that had crossed Buck’s face when Eddie first announced that the visit was happening. There wasn’t a single person at the 118 who hadn’t been convinced that Buck and Eddie were each other’s best friends. Yet with two simple words, Eddie had broken Buck’s heart, and Bobby was there to watch it happen.

It was not his place to interfere with whatever was going on between Buck and Eddie. The two worked seamlessly in the field and clearly had no intimate relationship to disclose, no matter what the team’s betting pool tried to dictate. But Bobby was known to be just a little bit protective of his boys, and Buck was something like a son to him, these days. The young man had long since wormed his way into everyone’s hearts with his earnestness and good intentions. 

Sean showed up at the firehouse two days into his week-long visit, and Bobby could tell who he was simply by the way Eddie lit up at the sight of him, the same way he’d light up at an unexpected visit from Chris or Buck himself. Eddie’s best friend was tall, and unexpectedly handsome with curly red hair and bright green eyes. The two made quite the pair, Bobby thought as Eddie rushed over to meet his friend. Seconds later, Buck surfaced as well, and was sticking his head over the upstairs railing, trying to get a better look. 

“What are you doing here?” Eddie said with a look of sheer delight. “I thought you were checking out the Strip.”

“Well, I’ve heard so much about the 118,” Sean said with a grin, gesturing to the curious onlookers around him. “Wasn’t going to pass up a chance to meet your LA family.”

People were drifting toward the pair, and Eddie began to make introductions. Bobby stayed upstairs, observing the scene as Sean greeted and shook hands with half of the staff on duty. Before long, they both began to move toward the stairs. 

“Let me show you around upstairs,” Eddie said.

“This is where the kitchen is, right?”

Buck leapt back from the bannister like it had caught on fire, and looked around with a desperation that would be amusing if he didn’t look so miserable. Bobby just raised his eyebrows at him, and by the time Buck accepted that he had nowhere to hide, Eddie and Sean were up the stairs and staring right at him.

“Buck! Hey, come meet Sean,” Eddie announced, smiling so wide it looked like it hurt. 

Buck moved toward them awkwardly, and scratched at his head as he presented himself. “Hey!”

“Sean, this is Buck.”

“Hi,” Sean said, smiling a million-dollar smile as he reached forward to shake Buck’s hand. His gaze lingered a little too long, his eyes a little too considering as he studied the man before him. “The legendary Buck. I’ve heard so much about you, it’s nice to finally meet you.

“Ye-yeah?” Buck said, his eyes wide, and there was the faintest blush on his cheeks as he took Sean’s hand and shook it. “Same, it’s good to finally meet you, man.”

“Pleasure’s all mine,” Sean continued, not breaking eye contact for a single second. “You know, I’ve always wanted to say thank you, for looking out for this idiot over here.”

Eddie grumbled a _hey now,_ the joy in his eyes flickering toward consternation.

Buck laughed, absolutely enraptured, and didn’t even glance at Eddie. Bobby started to frown. _What’s going on here?_

“Well, someone certainly has to,” Buck said, sounding almost bashful. He shuffled on his feet, licking his lips in a gesture of nervousness, and no one missed the way Sean’s gaze darted to Buck’s lips.

Though neither Eddie nor Buck knew it, the entire station had been in ‘protect Buck’ mode from the moment Sean walked into the garage, ready to step in if things turned even the slightest bit sour. But the scene unfolding in front of them was entirely unexpected. They had been prepared for awkwardness, jealousy, perhaps no small amount of bitterness and peacocking. But this?

In the corner, Chimney lifted his hands in a ‘ _w_ _hat the hell?’_ gesture as he traded glances with Hen.

“I don’t suppose you’re free this weekend?” Sean said. “I’d love to say a proper thank you over dinner.”

Sean’s smile remained perfectly charming, perhaps even a little devious as Buck froze in front of him. What was more interesting, was that Eddie had also frozen in place, and was staring at Sean like he had grown a second head. 

“Yeah I’m… free on Saturday?”

Eddie looked like he was about to spontaneously combust, and Bobby’s frown shifted into barely contained laughter. 

He couldn’t wait to tell Athena.

  
  


-

  
  


Sean was… really nice.

Not that Buck ever expected different from someone who was Eddie’s best friend. But Sean, in the flesh, was absolutely fascinating, and Buck found that he really wanted, no, _needed_ Sean to like him. Because he couldn’t imagine not being friends with Eddie’s best friend, not when Buck was doing his best to be a best friend himself. 

A dinner to get to know each other seemed like a terrific idea when Sean had suggested it. And now he was at the nicest restaurant he’d been to in years, sitting at a dinner that was weirdly starting to feel like some sort of date. He wasn’t sure if it was the scented candles, or the single rose that sat in the vase between them, or the string quartet playing in the corner. How expensive was this place again?

“So, I wanted to thank you, for everything you’ve done to help Eddie.”

Buck’s wandering gaze snapped back to Sean, who was smiling softly at him, eyes crinkling. Sean was handsome, _very_ handsome, in fact, and in another life, Buck could almost see his 1.0 self drooling over the possibilities. But now, all Buck could see were the bits of Eddie in Sean, and the two were alike in the way that all best friends tended to be. It was there in the cadence of his words, the angle of his smile, all of it different but also familiar, safe.

“What?” Buck said intelligently.

“Look, Eddie’s told me about what’s happened over the past few years. I know how much he was struggling when he first moved here. I mean, Eddie being Eddie, he never went into the details, but I could read between the lines. He told me about how you introduced Carla to him. How you’ve always been there at his back. And with the tsunami, how far you went to save Christopher…”

Warmth flared in Buck’s chest, even as his mortification grew with each incident Sean mentioned.

“And I’m pretty sure you’ve long since replaced me as Chris’ number one favourite.”

“Oh,” Mortification rapidly shifted into horror. He hadn’t been trying to replace anyone. “Uh, I’m-” 

“Hey, I’m glad you did.” Sean lifted a hand in reassurance before Buck could put the right words together. 

Buck sagged and let out a breath of relief.

“Eddie talks… a lot about you,” Sean continued, “and I honestly had to meet you.”

“He’s mentioned you a lot too,” Buck said, relieved that this was where the conversation had ended up. The others hadn’t recognized Sean’s name when Eddie brought it up, but Buck knew the name well. He was Eddie’s childhood friend, they’d enlisted together, but though they ended up with different assignments they never dropped out of touch. Sean was as good as family to Eddie, even though he was living halfway across the country and they rarely got to see each other anymore.

(What happened to Red wasn’t going to happen to him, not to him and Eddie).

Sean groaned at Buck’s words. “Everything he’s said, all lies.”

Buck laughed. “Look, you didn’t have to do all this, man. I mean this place looks-”

“Look, if half of what Eddie has been saying is true, then this is the least you deserve. Even if he hasn’t done it himself yet.”

Buck opened his mouth to refute it, but there was something in Sean’s tone, something in the way he looked at him. And no response seemed quite right. What did he mean that it was the least he deserved? That Eddie… was supposed to be doing this somehow?

Before Buck could make sense of his confusion, the waiter approached them to take their orders. It was only then that Buck realized that he hadn’t even looked at the menu. After a moment of awkward scrambling, he ordered a beef dish that the waiter recommended, and tried not to blush at Sean’s lightly amused smile. It was the same expression of fondness that Eddie often wore when Buck stumbled over himself, but different, somehow. Less… intense. Buck didn’t have the right words for it.

The conversation segued then, onto light topics. Over amazing food and some truly incredible wine (and Buck didn’t even drink wine, usually), Buck got to know Sean, who was working as a private security consultant, and had two adorable huskies named Lucy and Francis. They had the exact same taste in IPAs and wildly opposite views about Tarantino movies.

Sean was easy to get along with, and Buck found himself relaxing and enjoying himself as their conversation moved onto Eddie. He had a dozen embarrassing childhood stories that Buck couldn’t wait to share with the rest of the 118, and several more that would make the perfect blackmail material.

“ _All_ of the nail polish?” Buck laughed, trying to picture a thirteen year-old Eddie, confused and covered in glitter after a misguided attempt at home-made glitter glue.

“His parents still have _no idea_ it was him and not Sophia. And she was grounded for _weeks._ If the truth ever comes out, I’m pretty sure Sophia _will_ murder him.”

“Oh,” Buck was still shaking with barely contained laughter. “I can’t wait to spring that next time Chris wants to make a card.” He was pretty sure that Maddie had some blue glittery polish, or maybe he should just buy some. Was Target still open? He could picture Eddie’s face already, the second Buck brought it out.

Buck hadn’t quite known what to expect, when he agreed to have dinner with Sean, but it wasn’t to end up feeling… included. Like he was also a part of Eddie’s past now, somehow, seeing through Sean into Eddie’s childhood, his story before the two short years they’ve spent as Buck’n’Eddie. Like he was a part of each inside joke and memory that Sean shared with him. It was easy to talk to Sean, and more than anything it was easy to talk to Sean about Eddie, because both of them undoubtedly knew Eddie better than they knew each other.

Eventually, his side of the stories came tumbling out. And Buck told Sean all about _his_ Eddie, their misadventures with Christopher, the arguments, and the wild stories from the field (“Wait, the grenade was _live_?”).

“I swear to God, Eddie is going to give me a heart attack someday,” Sean sighed, mid-way through dessert.

“Tell me about it, when the tunnel collapsed I’m pretty sure I lost twenty years of my life.”

Sean shook his head in understanding. “He’s weak when it comes to kids, especially anyone near Christopher’s age.”

“Yeah, it’s… every time I see some kid in trouble I just keep thinking, what if it’s Christopher? You know?”

Sean’s gaze flickered over Buck, and he hesitated, for a moment. “You care about Christopher a lot, huh?”

“Yeah,” Buck grinned. “He’s amazing. I mean that kid is so positive, so strong, so full of energy. He brightens your entire day just by being there, you know?”

“Yeah,” Sean nodded with a smile. “That kid’s been through a lot, but he just keeps going.”

“Like Dory.”

Sean raised a brow.

“Oh, like, Finding Nemo?”

“Right,” Sean laughed. “Of course.”

Buck grinned, and took another sip of his wine. 

“Chris and Eddie, they’ve both been through a lot,” Sean said, his focus somewhere distant as he swirled the wine in his glass absently.

“Yeah,” Buck nodded with a frown, remembering the traumas of the past two years, and that which Eddie told him about, which Buck wasn’t there for.

“And Eddie, especially, he’s been hurt pretty bad before, especially when it came to Shannon.” Sean continued, his gaze settling on Buck, eyes serious.

“I don’t understand it, he’s a good person,” Buck admitted, thinking about how unfair it was that Eddie had to go through so much. “But these things just keep happening, and it’s like, we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“I think you’re doing much more than you realize, Buck,” Sean said.

Buck looked back toward Sean, struck by the unexpected sincerity in his words. 

“I was worried, when Eddie told me he was going to move to LA, because I knew he was thinking about Shannon and I knew that he was only going to be disappointed.” Sean said. “If it’s been two years and she still hadn’t made up her mind to come back then it meant she wasn’t coming back, and Eddie was only going to have his heart broken. But… I thought he might at least get some sort of closure.”

Buck nodded dumbly, not knowing what to say. This was something he wasn’t truly part of. 

“And then Shannon died and… honestly,” Sean huffed softly in laughter, “I thought that it meant he would come back. Me and his entire family, we all believed it. He could still be a firefighter in El Paso, why be so far away from his best friend, his closest family?”

Buck felt sober, all of a sudden. He had worried that he’d feel excluded, jealous, abandoned, when Sean walked back into Eddie’s life. And to some extent, he was still just a little scared that he couldn’t compete. But it wasn’t a competition, was it? He could see, how both he and Sean loved Eddie.

“But then all I hear is more and more about the 118, about Bobby and Chimney and Hen, and… Buck,” Sean’s gaze settled on him, and it felt heavy, suffocating even, when Buck saw the weight behind it. “His friend was injured, and he needed to be there for him.”

Buck’s mind went blank. Was this true? Did Eddie choose not to go home to El Paso just so he could help Buck during those months of his injury? Something white hot exploded in his chest, and the room became warmer in an instant as something almost like hope surged forward.

“But then the friend filed some lawsuit, and he was… so angry, erratic, he barely talked to me at all. And then just when I was about to come and find out what was going on, everything was fine again. The two of you had talked, and you’d made up.”

There was something going on here that Buck wasn’t understanding. Sean laid out Buck and Eddie’s relationship but he didn’t seem… bitter, or angry. It was like he was reading a grocery list, recounting something distant and long ago. Buck didn’t know where all of this was going, or how he was supposed to feel. 

“And Eddie is still here, even now. With his new life, his Buck, his new found family.”

“Is this…” Buck pursed his lips, and cocked his head in confusion. “Is this a shovel talk?” he said with uncertain laughter.

Sean chuckled. “I’m not about to threaten violence, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Buck shook his head. “No, I. I guess I'm just... confused?”

Sean studied Buck, like he knew a secret that Buck didn't. “What I’m saying is… you’re important to him. Hell, you’re probably his true best friend, these days. He may have come here looking for Shannon but... He found you. You’re the anchor who keeps him here.”

This was the second person in a week now, who told him he was important to Eddie. And each time it seemed like there was more that they weren’t telling him. And this, this was different from Maddie saying the same. Maddie was his sister, and though Buck trusted her, he knew that she was trying to tell him what he needed to hear. But Sean… he and Sean barely knew each other, Sean was loyal to Eddie first, and Sean was saying the same, that Buck was important to Eddie. ( _No matter how he labels it, Eddie loves you_ _.)_ And this unexpected acknowledgement, this approval… Buck didn’t know what to do with it. Sean seemed happy that Buck was here in Eddie’s life. Sean wanted to make sure… he stayed?

“And I don’t think you’d ever break his heart,” Sean continued, a strange, thoughtful glint in his eyes as he took another sip of his wine. “Not on purpose.”

“Never,” Buck breathed, and he didn’t know why the word sounded like a confession.

  
  


-

  
  


Eddie’s best friend had been in LA for five days and they’d only seen each other three times.

The first time was dinner on Sean’s first night in. They’d sat in an Asian fusion restaurant Hen recommended and caught up over dinner, before heading to a bar that Chimney suggested and continued over drinks. It wasn’t until he’d seen Sean face-to-face for the first time in months that he realized how much he hadn’t told him, and discovered how much Sean hadn’t told him in turn. Eddie had gone through his entire camera roll showing his best friend photos of Chris and the 118, and then he had to explain the stories behind half of the photos, which then reminded him of some of the crazy calls he hadn’t gotten around to mentioning over text. The night went on and Sean was telling him all about the new husky he’d adopted, and how he’d had to bribe his neighbours to keep quiet about the amount of howling that now came from his apartment, as well as his clients’ insane and confusing demands, including the one doomsday prepper who wanted to know about his options for _mind control_. They’d said their goodbyes at near three in the morning, and Eddie still felt like he hadn’t talked enough, there was so much to tell Sean, to catch up on in their lives.

The second time was when Sean had shown up unannounced to the 118 mid-way through Eddie’s shift, and Eddie had introduced him to everyone. The entire experience had been lightly terrifying, especially when Chimney started to interrogate Sean for embarrassing stories, but nothing too damning was dragged to light. And they’d hung out for over half an hour, right up until the alarm rang, and the team had to rush out with harried goodbyes.

The third time was now, Sunday morning beside the playground at the local park, both of them with coffees in hand as they watched Chris play with some other children. And Sean was telling him: “Yeah, I don’t think tomorrow night works.”

“What are you talking about?” Eddie did his best not to sound put out. “I thought you wanted me to show you LA."

“There’s still time,” Sean laughed. “It’s just Buck and I are going out for drinks.”

“Alright…” Eddie said, thoroughly confused and feeling weirdly offended by this newfound bond between his two closest friends. He didn’t know why it felt like a pit had suddenly opened up in his stomach. “Am I invited?”

There was a moment of hesitation, and something flickered across Sean’s expression that Eddie didn’t like.

“Is it okay if I say no?” Sean said, watching him carefully.

Eddie narrowed his eyes in confusion. “You’re here for a week and you’re going to spend it going out with _Buck_ instead of me?”

Sean’s expression turned skeptical. “Why are you so upset about me hanging out with Buck? He’s your closest friend in LA, I want to get to know him.”

“You could still include me in that process. We haven’t seen each other in months, Sean. This was supposed to be… _our_ time to hang out.” God, Eddie was not used to this, feeling and sounding like some jealous girlfriend.

“Doesn’t mean we have to spend twenty-four hours a day together.” Sean laughed, and Eddie felt ridiculous, because wasn’t that exactly what he and Buck did, on those twenty-four hour shifts? It didn’t stop them from missing each other afterward. Though now that he thought about it, perhaps it wasn’t quite normal, the type of relationship they had.

“I just-” Eddie sighed. He’d missed Sean. Though that explanation, for some reason, didn’t feel like enough to explain the hurt and anger that was roiling under his skin. There was more to it, something else that complicated the mess of feelings inside of Eddie. He just didn’t know what it was.

“Missed me every second of every day?” Sean offered with a glint in his eye, when it became clear Eddie had nothing more to add.

Despite himself, Eddie laughed. “In your dreams.”

For a moment, Sean simply watched him, and Eddie hid his embarrassment by drinking from his empty cup of coffee. Chris was engaged intensely in some sort of rhythm game with a young Indian girl, something that involved a lot of clapping and arm slapping.

When Sean spoke again, his words were surprisingly quiet. “Are you sure that missing out on time together is what you’re upset about?”

“What?” Eddie levelled a glare at his best friend, offended Sean even had to ask.

Sean had the decency to look sheepish, and shrugged. “I can move the date.”

“What?” It seemed like the only word Eddie still remembered how to say. Did Sean just say _date_? He remembered then, the strange way Buck had acted in front of Sean when they’d first met, the blushing and staring and the eagerness, and the pit inside him widened into a chasm. “You two already went out for dinner.”

“We did,” Sean said breezily. “And we had a good time so… we thought we’d do it again.”

Eddie’s head was abruptly filled with images of Buck, dressed up in a handsome suit, sitting across the table. And he couldn’t stop thinking of the way Buck would probably duck his head and hide his smile when you complimented him, the sounds he’d make the first time he tried the chocolate lava cake from Dalmontes.

Eddie shook his head abruptly to clear it, forcing himself to focus on the sound of passing cars, and screaming children. Why was he thinking about that?

“Yeah, alright,” Eddie said, the crack in his voice betraying exactly how not alright it felt for Buck and Sean to be seeing each other. “You should go have fun. I should catch up on some sleep before my next shift, anyway.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s your holiday, man.”

There was a moment of silence next to him, and Eddie didn’t know why he couldn’t bring himself to look at his best friend. It stung, sure, to be passed over in favor of a date, a date with Buck, at that. Eddie hadn’t even been sure Buck was into men until now. But he could be mature about this, it wasn’t like they’d organized everything in advance. Asking Sean to go out was just a spur of the moment thing, it was fine for him to say no. He still had another three days in LA. Like he said, there was still time.

“So,” Sean said, hesitant. “It’d be okay with you if I… made it official? Asked him out? Maybe take him back to my hotel room...”

Rage, unexpected, red hot, surged within Eddie. A loud crack rang out, and both of them looked down at the coffee cup now crushed in Eddie’s hand.

Sean stared at the cup, and then at Eddie’s look of dumb bewilderment. “Yeah, I don’t think it’s me hanging out with Buck that’s upsetting you, Eddito.”

The thing was, Sean’s words didn’t feel wrong. If Eddie thought about it, he hadn’t cared when that girl had been flirting with Sean in the bar during that first night. In fact, he’d egged him on, did his job as a wingman, made jokes about how Sean should unwind and have fun on his holiday. It wasn’t the fact that Sean was going on a date instead of hanging out. It wasn’t even the fact that he was spending time with someone who wasn’t Eddie, because he knew Sean had other contacts in the city, and probably a full schedule of people he was catching up with.

The only common factor, that connected all of Eddie’s anger and hurt, was-

Understanding dawned bit by bit, and then, hit him all at once.

“Fuck.”

Beside him, Sean burst into laughter, and Eddie’s cheeks began to burn. 

“I can’t believe this,” Eddie said, when Sean’s laughter had finally dissolved into soft giggles. “When… how…?”

Sean shrugged. “You tell me, maybe it was… late 2018? When Buck introduced you to Carla and suddenly it was Buck this, Buck that, Buck is amazing and cute and I want him to be Chris’s co-parent.”

“I- No-”

“Or maybe it was after the tsunami, when you called me and then rambled for half an hour about how Chris couldn’t stop telling you about how brave and smart and incredible his Buck was and how he had saved all of those people? While being stupid and reckless and on blood thinners?”

Eddie squinted at Sean, suddenly painfully uncertain.

“Or was it maybe after you finally started therapy, when Buck apologised to you about the lawsuit, about not being there for you and Christopher?”

Eddie frowned. “Did I… Did I even tell you about that?”

Sean shrugged. “Look, my point is, does it matter when it happened? You love him.”

Eddie loved Buck. 

It was such a simple statement, And hearing it spelled out like that, word by word, Eddie didn’t feel shame, he didn’t feel embarrassment, he didn’t feel anger or confusion or doubt. He loved Buck, and it was like he had finally let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. The words were simple, and they were so natural, so right. Just like the sun was bright and the sky was blue, Eddie loved Buck.

_Oh fuck_. 

Sean was laughing at him again. “Look, just tell him.”

“I-” Eddie stared at Sean, feeling more than a little helpless, because he wasn’t sure if he could. He remembered, what had happened the last time he had laid himself bare that way. And even as he remembered, a conviction settled around him, and Eddie knew with the certainty that he’d never had with Shannon, that Buck would never do the same.

It didn’t stop the tendrils of fear from crawling through him. Could he really just-?

Whatever he saw on Eddie’s face, Sean’s expression turned soft, almost sad. “You know you deserve to be happy, right?”

Eddie stared, speechless, and he didn’t know how to confront the logic behind Sean’s words.

“You’ve gone through… a lot, these past few years, Eddie. I know I wasn’t here with you through all of it, but I think I know you well enough. Those years with Chris, what happened with Shannon… None of that was in your control. You were doing your best, and sometimes even when we do our best, we can’t help hurting people, and people can't help disappointing us.”

Eddie opened his mouth, and no words came out.

“But you need to stop punishing yourself for it.”

“I- I’m not punishing-”

“Really? Because that would explain the _street fighting."_

Eddie’s mind went blank. “He told you about that?”

Sean chuckled. “What’s important, I think, is the fact that you didn’t.”

Eddie took a half step back, caught out. “I- I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Look, it’s okay, I know I’m not your best friend anymore.”

“What are you talking about?” Eddie huffed. “Of course y-”

Sean raised his brows, levelling a look at him that had Eddie swallowing the rest of the sentence. 

Sean was… right. If Eddie let himself step back and reconsider it all, Sean wasn’t the first person Eddie thought of anymore when he had a story or a thought to share. And their calls and messages had been growing further and fewer in between despite their best intentions. Eddie was just so busy with work, and Sean had his own life to live back home. It wasn’t up to either of them. 

Eddie remembered Sean’s anger, when he had told him about the move, and wondered if he hadn’t seen this coming.

Buck and the 118 had long since filled the holes Sean and his family had left behind - and more. Eddie relied on Buck for things he had never asked of his former best friend. And Buck freely offered so much of himself. His time, his patience, his attention, his affection… all of it for Chris and for Eddie himself, without ever asking for anything in return. Eddie's best friend was Buck. And Eddie, like every silly romantic cliche, had fallen in love with his best friend without knowing it. 

“I’m _happy_ for you, Eddie.” Sean said, with a warmth and sincerity that made Eddie feel all of six years old again. ”I really am. You know, when you left El Paso I was worried, you were going at it alone with a seven year-old in a city where you barely knew anyone, going back toward _Shannon_ and-” Sean took a breath. “When I decided to come here, I wanted to make sure. But... you’re doing okay, Eddie.”

“Yeah,” Eddie nodded, his eyes shining. “Yeah, I’m doing okay.”

  
  


-

  
  


It had been a long time since she and Bobby had held a party at their home, and Athena had missed it. Missed the joy and noise and lightness that came with being surrounded by her chosen family. She’d been around for a while, and truly, there was nothing better than seeing the people she loved together under one roof, laughing and enjoying themselves. Safe. Happy.

All except for two of her most worrisome boys.

“What’s going on with Buck and Eddie?”

Athena hadn’t seen the two in a while, though she’d heard all about the Sean saga from Bobby and Hen. But now that the intruder had finally left LA, she had half expected things to go back to normal. As strong as a childhood bond could be, it didn’t change the fact that Sean’s presence was only temporary. Athena knew that her boys’ connection was forged in fire and crises, and knew that even a childhood best friend couldn’t possibly come between them, for how much Buck and Eddie adored each other.

These two, however, had barely looked each other in the eye all evening.

Everybody was shooting them increasingly indiscreet glances, alternating between confused and amused. Maddie was glaring far more at Eddie than she was at her brother. Chimney looked like he was going to burst into laughter any second. Hen was casting worried looks at Buck like she wanted to take him aside and give him a hug.

Athena stood next to her husband and wondered if everyone hadn’t gone crazy in the span of a week.

“I think they’re working through some stuff,” Bobby said, as he cradled his empty glass close to his chest.

Athena glanced at Bobby, read the anticipation behind his eyes, and looked between the two boys. She took a moment, and took in the way that they stared at each other whenever the other wasn’t looking.

“Oh…” She let out a slow breath, and a knowing smile rose to her lips. “You know, I never expected it to happen at the same time.”

Next to her, Bobby chuckled warmly. “But are you really surprised?”

Athena shook her head, watching as an unattended Chris made a beeline for Buck and rammed into his legs. Buck immediately melted onto the floor, bent in front of Chris, and started asking him how he was doing.

“No, I’m really not,” she said. Then, she turned toward her husband. “More punch?”

  
  
  
  


-

  
  


Dad and Buck have been weird ever since Uncle Sean left. 

For the _longest_ time, Chris didn’t see Buck at all. No matter how much he asked and begged Dad and Carla they always said Buck was busy. And it wasn’t until he finally saw Buck at the party that he could convince him to come for a movie night.

Chris had been excited for the movie night all week, but then even after Buck showed up he and Dad were still weird. They kept staring at each other and stuttering their words and it was even distracting Chris from his favourite movie. But they also baked homemade pizza and Chris got to use the knife to chop up pepperoni bits and got to play the grown-up video game Dad almost never let him play so it was still really good and fun. And eventually it was bedtime and Dad had tucked him into bed, and he’d gotten Buck to read him a chapter of James and the Giant Peach. Chris wished that every night could be the same, with Dad and Buck and pizza.

Sometime after he went to sleep, Chris woke up again, feeling thirsty. Dad usually put a glass of water next to his bed, but tonight Buck was here and Dad had gotten distracted while putting him to bed. It was fine though, because Chris was big enough to go get water himself.

Slipping out of bed, Chris put his feet into his soft slippers and opened his door very quietly so he wouldn’t wake Dad or Buck. Then, he went toward the kitchen, hoping there was still a glass left out by the faucet. Sometimes they were so tired at the end of movie night that they left the cleaning for next morning. That way he wouldn’t have to try to open the cabinet.

But as he walked down the hallway, Chris saw that there was still light coming from the living room. Confused, he poked his head through the door. 

Dad and Buck were still awake. They were on the couch, kissing!

“Hey!” Chris cried out in anger, disappointment surging forward at the sight of his two favorite people pressed against each other. Then, all at once, he was very sad, and tears gathered behind his eyes.

Dad and Buck sprung apart like they were burned.

“Chris?!” “Chris what are you doing up?”

Chris folded his arms, unhappy, and dug in his heels as Dad stood up in a rush. Dad was in front of him in seconds, looking very worried and upset. Buck was on his feet too, but stood behind the sofa, looking lost and sad.

“I can’t believe you guys!” Chris said.

“Chris, look, I'm sorry, I can explain-”

“Don’t I get kisses too?”

Dad’s face froze, and for a moment, he just stared at Chris, mouth gaping, before he burst into a huge smile and started laughing. Behind him, Buck paused, then his shoulders started to shake, and he was laughing too. Chris looked between them in confusion.

“Don’t laugh!”

“Dios, lo siento, mijo.” But Dad was still chuckling, then, he bent forward to pick Chris up, and started carrying him to the couch. “What are you doing up, huh? It’s late.”

“I was thirsty,” Chris said, still feeling sulky. Buck was kissing Dad but he hadn’t kissed Chris once!

Buck immediately vanished to the kitchen. There was the sound of a running tap as Dad settled Chris on the couch, and before long, Buck was back and pressing a glass into Chris’ hand. Chris took the metal straw into his mouth and drank, smacking his lips when he was done.

“Thank you Buck,” he smiled. And Buck smiled at him too, eyes warm and soft.

“Alright,” Dad said. “You’ve had your water, and we’ll leave some more by your bed. Back to sleep now, okay?”

“No!”

Dad frowned, his brows at an angle. “Chris, we’ve talked about this, you have scho-”

“Why don’t I get kisses?”

Dad’s opened his mouth, and then closed it again, a weird expression on his face. “I already kissed you goodnight, didn’t I?”

“Yes, but Buck didn’t.”

Dad turned to look at Buck, whose eyes were very wide.

“Uh…” Buck said.

“Why do you get kisses from Buck but not me?”

Dad abruptly closed his eyes, his expression going all weird, like he was fighting to hold back laughter. “You know what, mijo? You make a good point.”

Chris grinned.

“That’s clearly Buck’s mistake, and we should ask him to fix it.” Dad turned toward Buck with an accusing look in his eyes. “Buck. Why did you kiss me, but not my son?”

Buck looked at Dad for a long time, his face also doing the funny thing where it looked like he was about to laugh.

“Your Dad’s right,” he said eventually, and joined Chris on the couch. “I’m very sorry, Chris, for my oversight.” 

Then, he leaned forward and pressed a smooch to Chris’ cheek. Chris smiled even harder, his chest filling with warm fluttery butterflies. He tugged on his Dad’s shirt too, and Dad sighed and leaned in as well, pressing a smooch to his other cheek.

“Alright, that’s a second kiss goodnight. Think you can go back to bed now?”

Chris nodded, and hopped off the couch. They went through a shortened version of the usual ritual, and before long, Chris was tucked back under the covers, this time with a glass of water on the bedside table.

“Good night, Chris.” Dad said. Beside him, Buck said goodnight as well, and went to turn off the light.

“Hey Dad? Buck?” Chris said into the dark. Dad and Buck were now just shadowed silhouettes in his doorway. 

“Yeah buddy?” “What is it?” 

“Will there be more kisses next time?”

Dad chuckled, a warm, low, rumbly sound. Chris thought they might be holding hands, but he wasn't sure.

“Yes, Chris. There will be more kisses next time.”

Chris squinted. He didn't have his glasses, but they were definitely holding hands.

**Author's Note:**

> Some explanations for certain creative choices I made:  
> 0\. The boys deserve good and soft things and happiness  
> 1\. Sean is named Sean entirely because of how amused I am at the fact that Ryan Guzman's Step Up character has a best friend named 'Eddy Diaz'.  
> 2\. Sean's feelings and motivations are deliberately unexplored, purely for the fact that I felt delving into an OC's (who my friend gracefully called an 'exposition angel') thoughts would detract from the focus of the story - Buck and Eddie. Consider whatever makes sense to you, the reader, canon.  
> 3\. As much as I love fics where everyone knows Buck and Eddie are in love and everyone is on board, sometimes it strikes me as a bit too perfect. So here I've played with a Maddie who was more protective and less in the loop then she tends to be in fic. I hope it worked for you.
> 
> Finally, any comments or thoughts you may have at all would be much appreciated. Please don't hesitate to leave a message below, even if it's just a few letters. :)
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [ingu](http://ingu.tumblr.com), where I am currently in Buddie hell.


End file.
